Subway , Eat Fresh, Get Diarrheaposted by MR WAVETHEORY at 12/16/2006 02:35:00 PM
Last week, when I got hungry, I ordered a footlong Chipotle Steak and Cheese with Honey Wheat bread. It was made fresh, but I doubt the ingredients were fresh. I had the works on this monster - cucumbers, lettuce, olives, tomatoes, pickles, and olives. No salt and pepper - got to keep it healthy. It was nicely toasted in a TurboChef Oven (Nasdaq OVEN) and as I downed this huge sandwich, this sandwich just tasted delicious. If they do one thing right at Subway, it's the bread. God I love these sandwiches. It was gone in 10 minutes flat!
But it came back! These last couple of days, I've been having a nasty case of the big D - diarrhea. And I kept wondering what's been causing me these stomach problems. As I went through a list of what I had eaten recently, it became clear to me it was the footlong steak and cheese from Subway. That bug infested sandwich must have been made with lettuce and tomatoes that have been sitting out in the open for days before I ordered it.
I often wonder when I stride into these Subways, how long they keep their lettuce, tomatoes, and other condiments in their little deli containers before restocking them. I've been to Subways where there was basically no business with the order taker/sandwich maker lounging around waiting for people to come in. How silly of me to eat at Subway! They could be serving the same lettuce from two or three days ago with some of the nastiest little buggers growing in them. After all, they are franchisee run (read "ultra profit driven"). Imagine the weapons grade e.coli that could be growing in these little vats of lettuce at Subway. Forget Taco Bell or Olive Garden. They might serve a little e.coli infested lettuce as a condiment, but at Subway, the main ingredient is lettuce. If I were a clever and entrepreneurial third world dictator bent on launching a biological scare with America, I would forget about anthrax, ricin, or whatever 10 syllable bacteria I can't pronounce. I would just start a chain of Subways and start fermenting my own homegrown weapons of mass infection in my local deli.
Better yet, I would put these Subways on wheels and drive them around. These weapons of mass infection, growing at mobile Subway food centers, would propogate quite some damage. I would have these little Subways on wheels make quick drives thru low income neighborhood and start tossing out free steak and cheese sandwiches. In a few days, I'd bet you - odds of better than 10-to-1 - that you'd be hearing of massive outbreaks of diarrhea and food poisoning that would knock out half of America's workforce. The executives at Subway would make any enemy of America proud!
In all honesty, I have lost my appetite for Subway and I am not sure I want to "eat fresh" ever again at Subway. The thought of e.coli infested lettue dancing in my dreams is enough to cause me enough nightmares for the next ten years. Bye bye Subway! You can keep your lettuce and shove it up your *** 0: I mean Christmas stocking.