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December 16, 2006

Subway , Eat Fresh, Get Diarrhea

posted by MR WAVETHEORY at 12/16/2006 02:35:00 PM
Not a day goes by without a case of food poisoning at Taco Bell or Olive Garden. Recently, I've had my own case of the bug. I think I caught it from Subway. If you've been to Subway, you know that Subway serves these giant foot long sandwiches that are made fresh. You can call them giant salads stuffed between a giant folded piece of baked break. I'm a big health buff. I eat organic foods, no pesticide fruits, and organic beef. Sometimes, though, it's hard to avoid fast food. So, when I have a hankering for fast food, I skip MacDonald's Corporation (NYSE MCD), Jack In the Box Inc. (Nasdaq JBX) and Burger King, and go with Subway.

Last week, when I got hungry, I ordered a footlong Chipotle Steak and Cheese with Honey Wheat bread. It was made fresh, but I doubt the ingredients were fresh. I had the works on this monster - cucumbers, lettuce, olives, tomatoes, pickles, and olives. No salt and pepper - got to keep it healthy. It was nicely toasted in a TurboChef Oven (Nasdaq OVEN) and as I downed this huge sandwich, this sandwich just tasted delicious. If they do one thing right at Subway, it's the bread. God I love these sandwiches. It was gone in 10 minutes flat!

But it came back! These last couple of days, I've been having a nasty case of the big D - diarrhea. And I kept wondering what's been causing me these stomach problems. As I went through a list of what I had eaten recently, it became clear to me it was the footlong steak and cheese from Subway. That bug infested sandwich must have been made with lettuce and tomatoes that have been sitting out in the open for days before I ordered it.

I often wonder when I stride into these Subways, how long they keep their lettuce, tomatoes, and other condiments in their little deli containers before restocking them. I've been to Subways where there was basically no business with the order taker/sandwich maker lounging around waiting for people to come in. How silly of me to eat at Subway! They could be serving the same lettuce from two or three days ago with some of the nastiest little buggers growing in them. After all, they are franchisee run (read "ultra profit driven"). Imagine the weapons grade e.coli that could be growing in these little vats of lettuce at Subway. Forget Taco Bell or Olive Garden. They might serve a little e.coli infested lettuce as a condiment, but at Subway, the main ingredient is lettuce. If I were a clever and entrepreneurial third world dictator bent on launching a biological scare with America, I would forget about anthrax, ricin, or whatever 10 syllable bacteria I can't pronounce. I would just start a chain of Subways and start fermenting my own homegrown weapons of mass infection in my local deli.

Better yet, I would put these Subways on wheels and drive them around. These weapons of mass infection, growing at mobile Subway food centers, would propogate quite some damage. I would have these little Subways on wheels make quick drives thru low income neighborhood and start tossing out free steak and cheese sandwiches. In a few days, I'd bet you - odds of better than 10-to-1 - that you'd be hearing of massive outbreaks of diarrhea and food poisoning that would knock out half of America's workforce. The executives at Subway would make any enemy of America proud!

In all honesty, I have lost my appetite for Subway and I am not sure I want to "eat fresh" ever again at Subway. The thought of e.coli infested lettue dancing in my dreams is enough to cause me enough nightmares for the next ten years. Bye bye Subway! You can keep your lettuce and shove it up your *** 0: I mean Christmas stocking.

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7:44 AM  
Blogger Debra said...

I've seen roaches in every subway I have ever eaten at more than once...and every time they were near the lettuce...YIKES!

5:57 PM  
Blogger alex said...

i have had the shits for 3 days now

thank you subway!!!

5:20 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

I had a footlong for lunch today and im now sitting in toliet posting this msg

5:23 PM  
Blogger inionj said...

I'm dying right now...... 6 inch sub and one hour later....SPLAT!

7:46 PM  
Blogger Amy Gravelle said...

I was told that it's a preservative they put on the lettuce. They used to cut the lettuce fresh, now it comes pre-chopped in a bag. God knows what they spray on it.

7:42 PM  
Blogger Captain Porcelain said...

Had the steak and cheese, onions, extra mayo, s&p..That's it. Had half a foot long, went in as a solid came out as a liquid. Ate the other half the next day with the exact same results. At least we now know how Jared lost all that weight.....diarrhea and vomiting. That guy ate there everyday, couldn't even imagine the pain that must have caused.

5:23 AM  
Blogger tm said...

Yes to all of the above. My salad with ranch dressing had spinach and all the veggies, except lettuce.
An hour later, I was in the bathroom and ready for that dreaded colonoscopy.

8:19 AM  

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