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March 13, 2006

This is a hilarious Internal Google Memo

posted by MR WAVETHEORY at 3/13/2006 04:38:00 PM
This is a hilarious Internal Google Memo from megayieldseeker who posts regularly on the Yahoo board.

Internal Google Memo !by: megayieldseeker (42/M)
03/13/06 07:25 pm

October 10, 2006
Internal Distribution Only - Do Not Distribute
Google Human Resources & Fun Department

Dear Employee:

Recently, there has been some negative press regarding how employees of our Fun Factory spend their time. To counteract this unfair negative publicity, we are asking that employees comply with the following new HR&F policies:

1) You may bring a strict limit of two of the following to work in the morning: a skatehoard, a fishtank, a silicone-enhanced girlfriend, an air hockey table, or a nerf basketball set. If you bring more than two, you will be awarded 10,000 fewer GSUs than the normal increase of 100,000 we intend to give out.

2) You are required to be at work for a minimum of 45 minutes per day, effective immediately. You are not required to be "working" during all of that time, but you must be present. If this is an imposition, you may contact your Friendly Team Leader (FTL) to discuss a 20 or 30 minute at-work exception.

3) You are limited to the purchase of one sports team per week, no exceptions.

4) Any Porsches you give as presents on a first date cannot have license plates that say "TNX GOOG"

5) After loading video games on your computer, you must have at least 10 MG free space for work stuff.

6) Whenever a reporter or analyst is in the building, you must begin repeating the phrase "We will crush Microsoft with our superior intellect" until that person has left the building.

7) The cafeteria will no longer sell tofu burgers and soy milk as a package. You will have to buy them seperately.

8) We ask that you monitor your email usage to ensure that a minimum of 1 of every 100 emails is work related.

9) No more sex on the foosball table, unless it involves a woman.

10) The next time someone wanders through HQ with a videocam, offer to buy it from them for a few GSUs - do not let them leave the building with a video of what we actually do in here.Thank you for your cooperation.

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